THE MOST ELEGANT HANDS...

Greetings to the common and wealthy! Fresh from a lecture series on my latest book, your's truly, Sir Steven Churchill--Chancellor of the Commonwealth--has returned to deliver another stirring, evocative, provocative, message.

First, a look at a comment from last week: Hey I can speak British too! Watch...I boffed your mom!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Such a sad fellow this is. His mind is the completely wrong place. No wonder Americans are underachievers.

In watching the latest XIP event, I have noticed the long forgotten black sheep, the great Countess Crystal Vann. A woman of dominance, displaying the subtleties of wealthy power despite claiming to have left it behind. My dear Countess will see the light one day.

And now, this week I want to take a look at the dear Lady Allison Martell. Currently, she is engaged in a feud with Amanda Alvez, a muggle who says she has the "Best Dang Hands". Quite an absurd statement. The woman wears boxing gloves in the ring, so how does one know that she has the best hands? They could have dirt caked underneath the fingernails and be layered with callouses and bruises. In fact, they probably are.

Second: Allison Alvez...I'm sorry, Amanda Alvez. Insulting to connect my lady's name to such filth. A person of her low class can't afford to keep her hands in the best prim and proper condition. My Lady Allison can afford the best; When she wakes in the morning, my lady's hands are washed in a marble basin with the freshest water of the day, with the richest Castile soap in Europe. Her fingernails are manicured each day by the Queen's own attendants. From there, they are covered with gloves of a very supple red leather.

Best dang hands? That filthy puglet doesn't know what the best is.

God save the Queen, and God save the Commonwealth.

--Sir Steven Churchill.

A PRIVILEGED DISCUSSION...

Good day to the common and wealthy!

For those who lament for the Commonwealth being snubbed at Entitlement PPV, fear not--for soon the Iron Curtain will fall upon all who don't accept their place.

Now today, you and the reporter named JRock are privileged to have an interview with Lord Lucius Kaine and the Lady Allison Martell. Now, grab your coffee, tea, and your bloody American colored sugar water and enjoy.

- The Commonwealth reside in a penthouse in Washington DC. JRock enters the east wing to the training room to find Bruce Kaine spotting Lucius Kaine in a bench pressing exercise. Allison Martell is on an elliptical machine on the far right. Playing over the speakers is Lacrimosa.
- JRock approaches the Kaine cousins in the corner.
JRock: Excuse me Lucius...
Bruce looks up at him, enraged.
Bruce: Keep your distance, you wanker! Can't you see wealthy people working, you twit?
JRock backs up and waits. Thinking about it, he walks over to Lady Allison.
JRock: Hello, Ms. Martell?
Allison: (panting) Lady Allison, you muggle!
JRock: Sorry. I wanted to ask you about your feud with Amanda Alvez, the woman with the "Best Dang Hands"...
Allison cuts off the elliptical machine and steps down.
Allison: Weasley! My towel!
A red-headed servant runs into the room with a white, fluffy towel and a bottle of water under his arm. Allison dabs her head with the towel.
Allison: Best dang hands? Best dang hands? Her hands aren't worthy of being washed in my sink! Do you know who the F I...
Lucius: Allison...
Allison catches herself, and regains composure. She takes the bottle of water from Weasley and gives herself a sip.
Allison: I'm sorry, luv.
Lucius walks over and she gives him a sip of her water.
Lucius: In fact, I don't know why you allow yourself to get flustered by that punch-drunk wench. (Looks at Weasley) Leave us.
As Weasley dashes out, Bruce jumps out of nowhere to scare him. All three of the Commonwealth laugh, their noses pointing up in the air.
JRock: Now, Lord Lucius Kaine, if we can...
Lucius: Ah! You got it right for the first time! Very good. You may kiss my ring.
JRock: Huh?
Lucius: Maybe later. Now, come chap, why have you come to our penthouse?
JRock: Well I wanted to ask you about...wait, where's John MacDougal?
Lucius: Earl MacDougal is taking in the sites of this city. Don't know why--there's nothing interesting here in America. Such a disgusting place. Can't even afford street sweepers.
JRock: We have street sweepers in some states.
Lucius: Why not in all states? This is the problem with America! Small thinking. But with such small minds I guess it's excusable...
JRock: Lord Lucius, what are your thoughts on Li Zhang Lou's comments towards you?
Lucius: The poor fellow is obviously deranged. He says he was once an unknown, which I find completely hilarious because he's still an unknown. The man wasn't even worthy of being pinned. That's why I chose the countout victory. How dare they send such filth as my first opponent.
JRock: Well...
Lucius walks away from JRock and goes to the nearest mirror, admiring his muscles. He flexes his arm.
Lucius: Feel my arm, JRock.
JRock walks over touches his bicep.
Lucius: That's muscle. Real muscle. Only attained through true hard work, a regiment and diet that only the wealthy can acquire. I am the best, and they send Li Zhang Lou against me? Let him spout out his warnings about deathstrikes and such. Let him come, and taste Sovereign Manifesto. Let him come, and taste the Message from Windsor. For when it is over, he'll know he ate something too rich and too great for him to digest.
Lady Allison comes over and wraps her arm around Lucius' waist. Bruce Kaine walks up turns JRock to him.
Bruce: My turn. You tell that shades-wearing pillack Shawn Rheins that his business with the Commonwealth isn't over. And the next time he faces MacDougal, I'll be at his side. Do you understand? Tell him, and tell the owners. I want the Shade and the Shadow versus the Brute and the Baron. Tell them!
JRock: I will! I will!
Bruce: Good. Then you've outlived your usefulness. Weasley! See JRock out of here.
JRock follows Weasley out of the room.

There you have it, fellow readers.

God save the Queen, and God save the Commonwealth.

--Sir Steven Churchill.

THE IRON CURTAIN

Good day to the common and wealthy!

First, to the chap who wrote "F I am" in the comments of the previous post: Do grow up dear fellow. Your nanny is aware that she'll eventually have to wean you off diapers and huggies, yes?

This week, I thought it would be a good idea to address a topic not touched on in a month: The Iron Curtain.

Now, I know history is often misconstrued among the Americans, so a bit of background before jumping into the meat of today's lecture. The phrase "Iron Curtain" was first coined by Ethel Snowden in her classic book, Through Bolshevik Russia. However, the phrase did not reach popularity until Winston Churchill's famous "Sinews of Peace" address at the dawning the Cold War:

"From Stettin in the Baltic to Trieste in the Adriatic an "iron curtain" has descended across the Continent. Behind that line lie all the capitals of the ancient states of Central and Eastern Europe. Warsaw, Berlin, Prague, Vienna, Budapest, Belgrade, Bucharest and Sofia; all these famous cities and the populations around them lie in what I must call the Soviet sphere, and all are subject, in one form or another, not only to Soviet influence but to a very high and in some cases increasing measure of control from Moscow."

My friends, the Iron Curtain has a new meaning in this day and time. Understand that in the XWW, there is a meridian. It separates the weak from the strong; the wealthy from the commoners. Until recently, this line has been ignored; the weak and common have attempted to crossover to join the strong, living a facade of greatness that they truly cannot sustain.

This is why that fellow Shadow could not defeat Tchaositself--he is not a true great. But he does not realize this; not only has he cast his ballot into the Entitlement tournament to be the first XIP Champion, he has brought his friend Shawn Rheins into the company. For his sake, Earl MacDougal will put an end to his facade.

The mediocrity continues with the man named Ulysses Solomon Adams, appropriately initialed "U.S.A." This man exemplifies weakness, and his ignorance to understand that can only hurt the country he claims to represent.

Kage Stevens is a man attempting to recapture a glory that has long passed him. He refuses to lay down his hammer and quit. No, Stevens presses on in the XWW, specifically the XIP Brand. There, his legacy will grow into one of foolishness and contempt, for a man that once was could have been considered an icon.

This is not mockery that I speak--only truth. As they say, the truth shall set you free. And once men such as these learn their place behind the Iron Curtain, they truly shall be free. And so will we all.

God save the Queen, and God save the Commonwealth.

--Sir Steven Churchill.

ANATOMY OF THE BRUTE

Good day to the common and wealthy!


Today you are in for a treat. The Earl John MacDougal has decided to spend sometime and reintroduce himself to the American audience. The reason for this is that many of you Americans don't recognize talent when you see it, so it's good remind you of it, and over and over and over... But I digress. And now for your viewing pleasure...up out of your seats ruffians...the Earl of the Commonwealth, of Backbreaking and Career-Taking: A man of few words.


- My teacher taught me that every part of the body has a weakness that can be exploited. Some can destroy the arms, the legs, even the ankles. But I love backs. They're best served broken.

- There is something beautiful about breaking a person's back. You render them powerless and immobile. They become paralyzed with pain and fear. You do not know pleasure until you hear the hard crunch or pound of the spine against your knee or shoulder.

- The reason I chose the Brute Force as my finishing move because the victim's back is close to my ear, where I can hear the spine shatter on my shoulder.

- Do not think that I do this solely for myself; the victim himself experiences unbelieveable bliss from having his back cracked. The pain is followed by a euphoric feeling of unconsciousness. Nothing else in the world can bring you that--drugs, alcohol, money, power--nothing.

- Shawn Rhein, I have message for you. In ancient days, pharaohs would use the backs of slaves and servants to build monuments & pyramids in their name. At Entitlement, I will use your back as a step towards to the GWGP World Championship. Backs are best served broken, and your's will serve me well.

There my friends, you have it. Remember...

God save the Queen, and God save the Commonwealth.

- Sir Steven Churchill.